why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
