It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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