did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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