i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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