my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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