1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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