Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
