He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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