I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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