i dont even know how to be here
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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