is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
