Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
