this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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