That's intense
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
