Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
