Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
