The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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