So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm both gender and math confused
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
