For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
