i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
