she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
