Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
