one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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