I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize