woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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