I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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