Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm jealous of your bromance
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
