my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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