I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
