WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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