peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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