So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
