my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
