Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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