Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
