Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
