im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
