what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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