You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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