i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
