forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
