I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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