I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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