i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
