had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
