I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
