no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
