she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I skipped work to stalk him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
