If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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