I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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