We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
