Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
