put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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